me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
