i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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