She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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