At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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