You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
