Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hippo gnu deer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
