you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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