Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
