My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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