have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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