I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize