doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
