Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
