I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
