I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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