I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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