Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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