Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
