He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
