Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
