i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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