So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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