i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize