I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
