Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
