i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
