You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
