Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
