so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
