he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
