How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
