I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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