Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
