I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
