We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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