there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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