we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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