she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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