Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
