how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I AM VODKA MAN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
