Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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