She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
