Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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