Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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