so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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