What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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