Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you still have your period?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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