im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
