Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
