i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
