Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
