Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
