My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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