At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
