Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
