All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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