I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
