in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
