thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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