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Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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