my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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