Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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