I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
