I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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