I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
