When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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