He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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