I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
