So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
