our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
