my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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