I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
