woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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