I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
