Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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