pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
