some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
